The Comparison Trap and How To Get Out!
I was on a lovely walk today with a mommy friend of mine and we got to talking about comparison. I realized there are pros and cons to it so I thought I would just share some of my thoughts and takeaways as I mulled over it.
I am guilty of it too, so don't think I have it all figured out. We all can fall into this dangerous trap of comparing everything in our life to pretty much anything.
Who or what are you comparing yourself to?
You sit there scrolling your news feed on whatever social media platform you hang out on and come across that mom who looks like shes got it all together or that fitness fanatic who's back at the gym for their 2nd workout for the day and think to yourself, "Gosh, I better get on that." or "How come I can't have my act together let alone get my butt off the couch to workout?" Are you constantly looking at other people's cars, homes, clothing, personalities, careers, and bodies just to compare them to yours and how much better your life might be if you only had "that." Let me gently remind you that if we all were the same, dressed alike, had similar aspirations and dreams and so on that this world be be one heck of a boring world.
Why do we compare?
Let me ask you this...How much better do you feel about yourself or your life after you compare it to something at any given point in your day? If your answer is honest then it probably sounds something like, "I feel unhappy with myself or my current situation." You feel like crap, right? So why do we do it? We have human tendencies to fall into this trap (even more these days with social media) because we don't want to be the ones who fell behind or be different. But why is being different or one step behind a bad thing? Are you comparing because you wish something about you or your current situation in life was different? Ok, cool, so what are you going to do about it? Feel bitter and angry towards others or that thing or assess what you'd like to change and then figure out how you are going to do so? We are our own creators of change. SO when we compare, compare, compare, then that's all we set ourselves up for every day! What you seek you find! When we never allow ourselves to see the good in other people's accomplishments or achievements then we sit there and we say," well I don't even have that, how come I haven't done that yet, he/she doesn't deserve that, shouldn't they be spending their money on more important things?", and so on. What is comparing gaining you? Why do you do it and what is it doing for you?
How to compare the right way.
I know, you're like, "Gabby, there's a right way?!" Yes! What if we were to use our comparison in light of our struggles to help us see that we could have it much worse or how inspiring and motivating it can be to us. Put things into perspective for once. Try this on for size, when you are on a weight loss journey and you see someone who has finally lost their goal weight go praise them, go ask them their story and find out their journey and battles they had to fight, tell them how much they are inspiring you and that you hope to accomplish this yourself too. Woah, talk about a complete opposite approach! You could have easily just felt sorry for yourself that you can't even get started and envied that other person. God calls us to not be envious or do anything out of selfish gain. Let's not be selfish or envious and let's go an love on others and give them the praise they deserve. Same goes for when someone makes more money than you, gets to build their dream home, opens their own crazy awesome cafe, has 10 kids, etc. Look at how each one is impacting the world with their unique gifts and accomplishments!!!!
Allow other people's accomplishments to light that fire inside of you to get aligned with your goals, start chasing them, and ultimately create what you desire!
Focusing on the positive.
You can also take the comparing of something you're going through and think of others who have it worse and how good you have it. Focusing on what you do have rather than what you don't have is huge! When we learn to just be thankful for what we do have and the body we were given then we can start to see life with new glasses. Whatever vibe you give off you attract in your life. Be so incredibly thankful and watch how abundance starts to show up in your relationships, money, time, energy, tasks, and more! We are all beautiful individuals who deserve credit for the things we've done bc we are all YOUnique and incredibly gifted. Allow others goals and accomplishments not only motivate you to do the same but to really seek out your OWN goals and what you desire. Do NOT take other people's goals and make them your own! your soul just won't vibe with that and you will find that it's hard to achieve that goal. Why? Because you took it from someone else,DUH! What do you truly desire for your life. Do you really want that car or is it just an eye sore in your neighbors driveway bc it reminds you of how little money you have? You don't really want that car, you just want to generate more wealth in your life right?! THEN DO IT my friend! Do you really want to run a marathon bc that's what a lof of your friends are doing these days or do you just want to find what fits you best and maybe stick with a 5K? TOTALLY AWESOME, go crush it then!
You can have ONE thing in this life that all those "successful" people you see have and that is PASSION! Be your own pursuer of passion.
One more gentle reminder:
You are incredibly awesome, you have so much to offer this world, stop comparing and start living, YOU create change, YOU add value, You do you and I'll do me ;)
Sending health and happiness your way,
Gabby Flater